Chapter Eleven:
How Will You Be Remembered?
I have a question for you. When you are gone, how will you be remembered? Here’s another one that relates to it. What has been the most important goal of your life? As a Hollywood professional I can tell you that so many come to the entertainment industry with the overwhelming desire to see their face or their name on a screen. This means working on a major production. Very, very few achieve that goal. The brutal truth is that thousands come here trying to prove that they aren’t worthless. Because that’s what they have been told from childhood, and that‘s what they constantly tell themselves. But soon they learn that Hollywood is the ultimate abusive mother.
It’s very true that success in the industry is sweet. Pulling onto a city street in New York, Chicago or LA and seeing it lined with trucks and a hundred people rushing around, knowing that all of them are there to produce a script that you have written is wonderful. Waiting for you is a chair with your name on it close to the camera crew and the director. Then watching talented actors perform the words that you have written aware that in the near future your name will appear on a screen for millions to see.
I’ve had that experience many times. But all of it is like an addictive drug. And like every addiction, the thrill doesn’t last. In what seems like a heartbeat it is gone forever. Your name and all that you have done are forgotten. I’ve experienced that too. Here is the cold reality. No matter what you accomplish, how successful you become in any area, it’s going to disappear. When you are gone, eventually, the people who remember you will die themselves and their memories will pass with them. Everything you own will belong to others. The ultimate worthlessness is to vanish as though you never existed.
Right now, so many people feel worthless inside. And that feeling grows year by year. They try to keep it hidden, but it comes out in multiple marriages, alcohol and drug abuse, anger and despair. In the eyes of the world, they may be very successful, but inside they’re like human dumpsters filled with garbage. I’ve known Hollywood stars like that. Let’s get something straight. God does not create human trash or human dumpsters. We create all of that with the help of the Powers of Darkness and evil that we allow into our lives. But it doesn’t have to be this way.
Which brings us to the only question that matters. When all of it is over, how will God remember you? How does He want to remember you? He wants to remember you as His loving child and partner. Partner? What in the world could that mean? Here is a stunning fact. God, your loving Father, wants to work together with you to bring His Love and truth to dying people in this world. That is the very essence of what it means to be a servant warrior. To do that, He wants to empower the gifts and abilities that He created into you. Then He wants to guide you every day. When you allow this to happen, the memory of you will go on in the heart of God as you are in His Presence forever. But it’s your choice.
My story? Sadly, it took me over 30 years to understand the gifts that God had created into me and give them back to Him. As you know from previous chapters, I am not a fast learner. Also, I am lazy. I mean isn’t that the very definition of a professional writer? But from my earliest years, God was whispering to me about what He had created me to be. In second grade, my teacher caught me not listening to her and looking out the window. She asked me what I was doing. I was honest. I told her I was telling myself a story. It was my way of saying you’re boring me to death. Well, the nasty woman, reported it to my parents. All that did was teach me how to look like I was listening, which has been a temptation in the face of boredom all of my life.
In sixth grade we had a show and tell time. One day I stood up and told the class a dream that I had the previous night. After that, during every show and tell the class would clamor for more dreams. Well, I ran out, but not to worry. I just made up a bunch. From my earliest years, God was whispering to me that I was a storyteller. That’s what He created me to be. What He wanted was for me to find the joy of being a storyteller with Him because He is the greatest storyteller in the universe.
I’m a slow learner, but finally I accepted the gift that God had given to me. However, there was still a gigantic step. I had to give it back to Him. What a wonderful mystery. The God of Heaven wanted to write stories along with me. When I realized this, it empowered my creativity like nothing else ever could. Before my career in Hollywood began, I told Jesus that the only stories I wanted to tell were the ones He would give me. Which meant that I had to trust they would be there whenever I needed them even on a hellish TV production schedule where a new script had to be ready to prep for shooting every seven business days. Surprisingly, I discovered that God does not experience writer’s block. So, neither have I.
But for me, being a Hollywood storyteller was about much more than just writing. It was about understanding people and how to care for them. It began with a decision that had to be renewed every single day. I wasn’t in Hollywood just to make money or advance my career. I was there to serve the King and to serve others in His Name, trying to show them His love. Over the decades, I have made many mistakes, but that remains my goal. And let me tell you, that influences everything you write. You really care about the lives of the characters you create.
In the fall of 1985, I joined the staff of The Equalizer. God often puts us into very unusual and difficult places and that’s what this was. I came on board as the junior writer/producer on episode 11 and things were chaotic. Which was not uncommon for a new series in its first season. But the craziness here was unique. There was war going on between the writing staff in Los Angeles and the executive producer and his team in New York City where our series was shot. They didn’t like the scripts they were getting. This included the star, Edward Woodward. Of course, I did not know this.
When I joined the staff, a stack of scripts had been written by freelancers and all of them needed page one rewrites. I asked the showrunner to give me the most difficult script in the stack, which he did. Praying for guidance, when I sat down to write, a strange scene came into my mind. In it, Robert McCall, The Equalizer, who is a former CIA agent, is walking down a street in Spanish Harlem. Glancing in the window of a barbershop, he freezes. The barber cutting a man’s hair was one of his greatest enemies. Years in the past, the man was head of Fidel Castro’s secret police in communist Cuba. Now he is cutting hair in Harlem?? Of course, the man recognizes McCall and invites him into his shop. Taking him into a back room, they talk. How did he wind up here?
He tells his story. One day, in Cuba his agents were doing a sweep, pulling in suspected enemies of the regime for interrogation. They picked up a simple farmer. Very soon it became clear that even his most seasoned interrogators couldn’t handle the man. He tells McCall that finally, he took over the interrogation himself and it was horrifying. Why? Because no matter what he did, no matter how much agony he inflicted, the man forgave him. Finally, it ended. Though he didn’t mean to, during a brutal session, he killed him. But who had really been destroyed? McCall’s old enemy says that because of that man, the most terrible thing happened to him as a good communist. He began to believe in the Love of God.
The part was played brilliantly by the gifted, Cuban American actor, Tomás Milián. This scene led to another that I wrote between the two men. It focused on Robert McCall and his life. Together, they talked about what McCall might have been if he had made different choices. The episode is entitled Reign of Terror. I didn’t realize it at the time, but Edward was so unhappy with the scripts he had been receiving that he was ready to walk off the set. When he read Reign of Terror, he said, “This is it. This is what the series is about.” God prepares hearts.
The next three and a half years were both amazing and very difficult. I was so blessed. The executives at Universal and CBS gave me freedom to write whatever I wanted. And I wound up writing more scripts than any other writer. What a gift it was. For the only two-hour movie we produced I wrote about a monk who had been a deadly terrorist. In the middle of a blast that murdered many people, he saw a broken-hearted man carrying a body through the fire. But how could anyone survive that inferno? When the man got close to him, to his horror he saw that the body was his. The vision of his own spiritual death transformed his life.
The part of the monk was played by Telly Savalas. I was there when Telly arrived on the set. I introduced myself. He was friendly, then went into his trailer. A short time later he came out and asked me to join him. Inside, we talked. He wanted to know what his character was about. I got the odd feeling that he hadn’t read the script until that moment. I told him it was about a monk who had been a terrorist. In the middle of a mass murder, he met Jesus Christ and his life was changed forever. Telly’s eyes grew wide. I’m sure nothing like that had ever been presented to him in his long career. He did a brilliant job in our two-hour episode entitled Blood and Wine. Another outstanding actor, William Atherton, played the evil antagonist. I deeply enjoyed having conversations with him on the set.
There were many other scripts. In season four I wrote an episode that broke all the rules of TV writing with a pages long scene of dialog delivered by a single man. It’s an experience told by a hit man to a street gang that McCall is trying to save from destruction. It’s a chllling story based on a real experience that I had read about. The hit man says that one day he was hit himself. When the bullet went into his head, instantly he was out of his body. He awoke standing on the shore of a gigantic lake of fire. There were many people around him. Near him, he saw men that he murdered. The horror was overwhelming. He knew that he was in a prison from which there was no escape.
But suddenly, he saw a man walking through the frozen terrified crowd. He was not like the others. There was no fear in him and His face was strong and kind. Somehow, the hitman knew that if this man would just look at him, he would know how to get him out of there. But He didn’t look and just walked on by. Then, when he was almost out of sight he turned, and their eyes met. Instantly, the hitman was back in his body. The paramedics had given up on him. But someone else hadn’t. Kneeling over him was an old man praying for his life.
I finished the script and turned it in on Friday, fully expecting a major war over that scene when I came in Monday. To my surprise, everyone loved it. Nevertheless, the scene almost didn’t get shot. My partner, executive producer Jim McAdams, was trying to cast the part of the hitman in New York. The day before it was to be shot, he called me and said they had read many actors, and no one could handle it. I told him that if it couldn’t be done with excellence, I would take it out. Then, at the last minute a brilliant actor appeared. The part was played with chilling reality by David Strathairn. If you would like to watch that scene and others that I have written and produced go to our website.
I view The Equalizer as a wonderful gift from God. Edward told me that He had loved every script that I had written for him. What encouragement from one of the greatest actors of his generation. I would remember that encouragement during the bloody battles and great losses that were ahead.
As difficult as it was, working on The Equalizer brought me tremendous joy. I have thanked God for it ever since. For three and a half years it was a kind of mountaintop experience. When you give your talents and abilities to Jesus Christ and He empowers them it will bring joy, but that does not mean you will experience unbridled success. In fact, quite the opposite. As a servant warrior of the King, along with joy, you will know sorrow, rejection and loss as Jesus takes you deep into the great war that He is fighting for the souls of women and men. You will experience in small ways a little of the suffering that He experienced when He walked this earth. But through all your journey, He will be with you. And you will have His peace that comes when all fear is gone.
So, servant warrior, no matter who you are, however young or old you are, don’t give up. Stop thinking you are worthless. It makes you vulnerable to evil people who may stroke you, then suck the life out of you. Stop looking toward others for validation. Look to Jesus Christ. You are His precious child, and He loves you more than you could ever imagine. He gave His life for you. Let Him unchain who you really are.
This week your assignment is to spend time praying, asking God to reveal the gifts He has woven into you. Make a list of them on a sheet of paper. Then lay that paper before Him, giving them back to Him and asking Him to empower them for His Kingdom and glory. Tell Him that He can do anything with you that He wants. You are His forever.
As you live through all the battles ahead make these verses your lodestar. Proverbs 3:5 and 6, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and don’t lean you own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and he will guide your path.” Learning not to lean on your own understanding is a great challenge and spiritual discipline. Trusting Jesus even when you don’t see a path ahead, when you have to wait with patience, when all around you there is nothing but devastation, this is the Way of the Servant Warrior. Keep your eyes on the King. He will never fail you. And at the end of your life, when you stand before Him you will know what the words of Phil 1:21 really mean. “For to me to live is Christ and to die is gain.” God will remember you with an eternal weight of glory.
The next chapter is entitled Bloody Hollywood, and you will find out what that means.
Bible Study and Small Group Discussion Questions
- What does Scripture say about the longing to be remembered?
Passage: Psalm 90:12, “Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”
From the chapter: “When you are gone, eventually, the people who remember you will die themselves and their memories will pass with them… The ultimate worthlessness is to vanish as though you never existed.”
Question: How does numbering your days change the way you think about legacy, purpose, and what truly matters? - Why is human validation such a destructive foundation for identity?
Passage: Jeremiah 17:5–6, “Cursed is the one who trusts in man… he shall dwell in parched places.”
From the chapter: “Stop looking toward others for validation… It makes you vulnerable to evil people who may stroke you, then suck the life out of you.”
Question: Where do you still look to people, success, or achievement to tell you who you are? - How does God reshape our identity when we feel worthless?
Passage: Ephesians 2:10, “We are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works…”
From the chapter: “God does not create human trash or human dumpsters. We create all of that with the help of the Powers of Darkness… But it doesn’t have to be this way.”
Question: What lies about your worth do you need to confront with God’s truth? - What does it mean to discover and surrender your God‑given gifts?
Passage: Romans 12:6, “Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them.”
From the chapter: “From my earliest years, God was whispering to me that I was a storyteller… I had to give it back to Him.”
Question: What gifts has God woven into you, and what would it look like to give them back to Him? - Why does God place His servant warriors in difficult, chaotic environments?
Passage: Daniel 2:21, “He changes times and seasons; He removes kings and sets up kings…”
From the chapter: “God often puts us into very unusual and difficult places… There was war going on between the writing staff… things were chaotic.”
Question: Where has God placed you in a difficult environment, and how might He be using you there? - How does God use storytelling, creativity, and work to reveal His heart?
Passage: Matthew 5:16, “Let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and glorify your Father…”
From the chapter: “The God of Heaven wanted to write stories along with me… It empowered my creativity like nothing else ever could.”
Question: How might your work—creative or otherwise—become a partnership with God rather than something you do alone? - Why must servant warriors expect both joy and suffering?
Passage: Philippians 3:10, “That I may know Him… and the fellowship of His sufferings.”
From the chapter: “When you give your talents and abilities to Jesus… it will bring joy, but that does not mean you will experience unbridled success… you will know sorrow, rejection and loss.”
Question: Where have you experienced both joy and suffering in the same season of obedience? - What does it mean to be remembered by God rather than by the world?
Passage: Revelation 3:5, “I will never blot his name out of the book of life…”
From the chapter: “When you allow this to happen, the memory of you will go on in the heart of God as you are in His Presence forever.”
Question: How does shifting your focus from earthly remembrance to God’s remembrance change the way you live today?
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