Chapter Nine:
Crossing the Dividing Line of Faith and Fear
Be honest, what really terrifies you? I can tell you that I have experienced sheer terror. I remember vividly 25 August 1968. I can still hear the automatic weapons fire when my platoon and the entire battalion walked into an ambush. Initially, we couldn’t see where the shots were coming from. I remember calling out for the two young soldiers in my platoon who had been walking point. They couldn’t answer because they were dead.
Ten years later, it was a different kind of fear, but I still remember it vividly. It was the fear of having no money to support my family and no job on the horizon. It was the fear that I had made a horrible mistake bringing my family to Hollywood. There was also this. In the fall of 1978, I had begun teaching a weekly Bible study in the home of a new believer who had two Academy Awards on his piano. So it wasn’t just about myself and my family. I was now leading 40 or so people every week, telling them how to follow Jesus. 1979 came around and I wasn’t able to pay my mortgage. Carel got a part-time job managing a senior citizen lunch feeding program at our church. Many times, our evening meal was leftovers from that program.
One day into that feeding program walked a little old man who had never been there before. He came up to Carel and said, “I have a message for you. A great king was going to war. His forces were gathered ready to attack the enemy. He brought his generals together and told them that they must wait for his signal before attacking. Any leader who disobeyed would be executed. Well, one general did disobey and attacked before the command. It cost the lives of many soldiers. The King executed that general even though it was his son.” Then, he said, “You’re on a flat surface. If you walk in any direction you’re going to fall off, so stay where you are.” Carel never saw that old man again.
What kind of message was that from a total stranger? Maybe one that said, “Don’t make any of your usual stupid moves, Coleman. Don’t try running your life based on fear? You are not in charge of this battle.” That is what I took it to mean. But even with that, I had hedged my bets. Back in that day when you were looking for a job, you had to send a physical resume. I mean words on paper. Doesn’t that sound archaic? Anyway, I had developed a foolproof system to get work. First, I would write up an impressive resume, then I would have it typeset and printed on thick, beautiful paper. This guaranteed that if there were 50 resumes on a desk mine would be the first one viewed. I had developed my system because I had worked in direct mail marketing. I would do a job search campaign by sending out four hundred resumes at a time. From this I could expect a three or four percent response. A job was guaranteed. That’s how I found the position as marketing director at the terrible company in LA that I told you about in the last chapter.
With some of the last money we had I printed four hundred resumes. They were carefully wrapped in bundles in our closet. As 1979 progressed, I was in agony. Month after month we couldn’t make our house payment. This went on for nine months. But it was very strange, no warnings came from the mortgage company, no threats of foreclosure. Several times, Carel talked to the company. Each time, she was told that something had happened to their computers. They couldn’t tell that we weren’t making payments. This continued until we had the money to bring everything up to date. Through 1979 God was providing for us in unexpected ways. He loves to do that. For example, our oldest son was in a public grade school and it was terrible. He wasn’t learning anything. We got him accepted at a private Christian school. But we had to pay $200 on his first day or he couldn’t begin. The 200 dollars I had earned that year was long gone. We had nothing. But we had started to learn what faith in God really means.
We will never forget that Monday morning. We got our son, Cole, dressed. Then we sat him on the couch with his lunch in his hand and told him that we didn’t know where he would be going to school that day. To find out, we would wait for the mail. But we weren’t expecting anything. Well, the mail came. In it was a check for 200 dollars from an airline where we had lost some coats several years before. Cole went to the new school. Years later, he graduated from high school there. Is God real? Can He answer prayer? So often He answers when we come to the absolute end of our resources, where our only hope is in Him.
God’s provision was not always comfortable. One morning, the kids were at school and Carel had gone out. I was at home alone. Suddenly, I heard noises in the kitchen. I went to look. In our kitchen was a sweet lady from our church. She had known that we were going through a difficult time and was stocking our shelves with food. She had found our door open and thought no one was home. How absolutely humbling. That sweet woman was a servant warrior for the King. God trains His servant warriors in schools of humility.
But even with all of these lessons, my bets were still hedged. Every Sunday I would look in the jobs section of the LA Times. That’s how you searched for work in that ancient era. I would make a list of job offers where my qualifications would fit with the plan that I would send out my beautiful resumes on Monday. Well, Monday morning would come. As usual, I would begin the day with prayer. Every Monday I would get the strong feeling that I should not send out any resumes. So I wouldn’t. As the weeks passed, I began to think I was going nuts. What was wrong with me? I needed a job. This was irresponsible. But as God took care of us week by week my faith in Him grew stronger. In fact, I started feeling kind of proud of my excellent faith. Being proud of your faith is never a good plan.
Then came a particular Monday. As usual, no resumes were sent out. I was feeling very strong. I really was a man of great spiritual faith. I was in the shower when the words came into my head, “You feel good about your faith? Throw out the resumes.” I literally started shaking. Well, I did it. Very carefully, I placed those wrapped packages in the garbage can, keeping them in good shape in case God changed His mind. The garbage truck didn’t come until Thursday, so I had three days to think about it. What a temptation. Was this faith or was I just crazy? The truck came and I watched them being carried away. All the self made bridges of my life had been burned. I had come to the real crossroads, the dividing line. And that line was clear. I had to absolutely surrender to the Lordship of Jesus Christ in my life, absolutely surrender to His Will no matter what it cost. And there could be no turning back. Finally, my hands were truly off the steering wheel and the King was in control.
From that point, did everything suddenly become easy? Far from it. In fact, It got much more difficult…even dangerous. But that’s because leaving a safe zone and entering a war is always dangerous. That’s right, all we had been through was in the safe zone. For me the real war was about to begin, a war that took me deep into Hollywood. I wasn’t ready to face what I would face until my life and everything I held dear was in the Hands of Jesus Christ.
I am convinced that this is why there are so few servant warriors among the millions who call themselves Christians. They come to the dividing line and turn away. There are so few who are willing to give their lives whatever the cost to bring God’s love through His Son Jesus into the prison house of humanity. And in doing so to confront the supernatural enemy who is the slave master of the world. That’s what servant warriors do, they bring the only love that will set prisoners free and they confront the evil that is enslaving them. You’re going to pay a price for that, and to carry out that mission, you can’t be a slave yourself.
God leads so many to their dividing lines. But when they get there, they see clearly that there is something wrong with the way they have been living. There is something that has been destroying them. To cross over that line and become a servant warrior whatever it is must be given up. And this is always painful. So they refuse and turn away choosing instead to hang onto the very thing that is enslaving them and live out the sorrow of being their own little gods. Is there something in your life like that? If you are serious about wanting to know, Jesus will show you.
My friend, God, our Father, has a different plan for each of his servant warriors. In the coming chapters I’m going to tell you about the one He has had for me. Thank God He didn’t let me become successful based on the plans I had for myself. When I crossed that dividing line, that’s when the wonderful adventure began that will continue forever. I know so many who have achieved so much, but it was all for themselves and after years, they discover that their hearts are empty. I don’t want that for you.
So your challenge this week, pray and ask what the dividing line is for you? Have you crossed it? Are you willing to? Are you willing to burn all the bridges of the past? Take it from a very old soldier, a veteran of many battles, for all the pain and difficulty you will face as a servant warrior, for all the sorrows that will rend you, your reward will be the peace of the King and beyond the battlefield of your life awaits joy that will go on forever. In these terrible days as the war between good and evil is destined to grow ever-more terrible, you will have…no fear.
Bible Study and Small Group Discussion Questions
- What does this chapter reveal about the true nature of fear?
Passage: Psalm 56:3–4, “When I am afraid, I put my trust in You… what can flesh do to me?”
From the chapter: “Be honest, what really terrifies you? I can tell you that I have experienced sheer terror… Then years later, it was a different kind of fear.”
Question: Where do you see fear shaping your decisions more than faith? - How does God use helplessness to teach dependence?
Passage: II Corinthians 1:8–9, “This happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.”
From the chapter: “So often He answers when we come to the absolute end of our resources, where our only hope is in Him.”
Question: When has God allowed you to reach the end of your own resources so you could learn to trust Him? - What does this chapter teach about God’s unexpected provision?
Passage: Matthew 6:31–33, “Your heavenly Father knows that you need them… seek first the kingdom.”
From the chapter: “In it was a check for 200 dollars… Cole went to the new school.”
Question: How has God provided for you in ways that surprised or humbled you? - Why does God train servant warriors in humility?
Passage: Philippians 2:3–4, “In humility count others more significant than yourselves.”
From the chapter: “In our kitchen was a sweet lady from our church… How absolutely humbling. That sweet woman was a servant warrior for the King.”
Question: What recent experience has God used to humble you and reshape your heart? - What does it mean to burn the bridges of self‑reliance?
Passage: Proverbs 3:5–6, “Trust in the LORD with all your heart… lean not on your own understanding.”
From the chapter: “You feel good about your faith? Throw out the resumes… All the self‑made bridges of my life had been burned.”
Question: What “self‑made bridge” in your life is God asking you to throw out? - What is the dividing line between belief and surrender?
Passage: Luke 14:33, “Any one of you who does not renounce all that he has cannot be My disciple.”
From the chapter: “I had to absolutely surrender to the Lordship of Jesus Christ… And there could be no turning back.”
Question: Where do you sense Jesus calling you from belief into full surrender? - Why do so many turn back at the dividing line?
Passage: Mark 10:21–22, “He went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions.”
From the chapter: “They see clearly that there is something wrong… but they refuse and turn away choosing instead to hang onto the very thing that is enslaving them.”
Question: What is the “enslaving thing” people most commonly cling to instead of crossing the line? - What does it mean to enter the real spiritual war?
Passage: Ephesians 6:12, “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood…”
From the chapter: “Leaving a safe zone and entering a war is always dangerous… the real war was about to begin.”
Question: Where do you sense God calling you out of the safe zone and into the battle?
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