Chapter Six:
Healing Anger, Finding Peace
Let’s start with another story about forgiveness. Several decades ago, Carel and I were contracted to adapt a novel into a screenplay for Billy Graham’s film organization, Worldwide Pictures. We loved the novel. It was about a middle aged couple, followers of Jesus with no children. Tragically, the wife comes down with early onset Alzheimer’s. The story followed their loving relationship and their faith to the point of her death. We worked very hard to write an excellent script that communicated their sorrow and deep trust in Jesus. When we were finished, I was proud of what we had accomplished. A copy of that script entitled “Vows” is available to read on this website.
After the script was turned in, we got a call asking us to come to the company headquarters in Minneapolis. We flew there with the producer of the film. In the morning, we walked into the office of the vice president responsible for the project. On the way in, we passed his secretary. She was at her desk reading our script and was deeply moved, crying. Certainly, a positive sign. Into the office we went and sat down. What were the first words out of the vice president’s mouth? “We think your script is too Christian.”
Yes, that’s what he said. Instantly, this was another of those moments, which have been too frequent in my life, where it felt like I had been sucked into an insane vortex of stupidity. In Hollywood, I have received notes on scripts from studios, networks, production companies and more. I’m always interested in improving a script and nothing we do is perfect, but after many years, I can tell you that very few of those notes have ever been of help. Many of them were damaging, but you deal with them.
This was something new. Billy Graham’s film organization, run at that point by his son, Franklyn, telling us that a script was too Christian? I stared at the man for a moment, then I said this, “I have spent my Hollywood career writing scripts for a totally secular audience. We know what we are doing. So let’s have a wager. I will lay a thousand dollars on your desk right now. Give the script to 25 non-Christians to read. See what they say about it. If they have a problem with it being too Christian, you win. However, if they don’t, you give me a thousand.”
He didn’t take the bet. The truth is he didn’t know 25 non-Christians, but he did know one, a woman who lived across the street from him. That evening, he gave our script to her, and she read it. The next morning, he asked her about it. She loved it. But didn’t she think it was too Christian? Her reply, “No, that’s the way this couple faced their tragedy.” A non-Christian understood far more than this evangelical Christian leader. But it didn’t matter. The senior vice president above him wanted a total rewrite. We had completed our contractual obligation, so we refused.
They found a young, Christian writer/director in California who rewrote the script according to their notes and shot the film. Before it was released, we removed our names from it. A couple of years later, I was at a Christian media conference in Los Angeles. The young writer/director came up to me and apologized for what he had done, saying that our script was wonderful. But he and his family had been in such financial need that he felt he had to take the assignment. Clearly, it had bothered him ever since. I told him that I understood. I had been in such difficult places myself. This Christian organization had taken advantage of a young man in a vulnerable position to get what they wanted, which was to denigrate both the quality and the message of the film. It was ultimate arrogance, which is the home territory of spiritual wolves.
Carel and I had put such work into that script, doing it for the Lord, trying to present Jesus’ ultimate message of salvation during the most difficult challenge of life. I have been through terrible experiences in Hollywood brought on by truly evil people. Forgiving them is easy compared to forgiving people who claim to be Christians. Especially Christian leaders. That continues to be a serious challenge in my life. Much of what I’m going to share with you next about forgiveness comes from my book, Day of the Wolf – Unmasking and Confronting Wolves in the Church. Why did I write it?
My daughter, a gifted professional woman who had spent years in leadership in Christian Camp ministry, took a job as part of the leadership team of one of the largest Christian camps on the east coast. Mostly at her own expense, she moved her family to Pennsylvania. Soon I began getting phone calls from her. The man who was director of the camp was doing awful things. He was viciously abusive to his staff, always couching his abuse as spiritual leadership. Outside his own organization, this man was considered a leader of Christian camp and conference ministry in the U.S.
In my daughter, he had picked the wrong person if he expected her to take the abuse like everyone always had. We talked about how she should deal with him. This began a series of polite, but strong confrontations. In six months, she resigned and moved her family back to California at her own expense. She is no longer in Christian camp ministry and now manages four hotels in the Yosemite area. Recently she left this career to move back to Los Angeles and work in ministry again. The man who replaced her at that camp had the same problems with the evil leader and didn’t last long working for him. A year or so ago, that director was caught in illegal activities and wound up in a jail cell. But it took many years for him to be held accountable for his evil. In the process, as a representative of Satan, he deeply damaged hundreds of people who worked for him.
Talking with my daughter during those terrible days brought back vivid memories of my own confrontations with wolves in Christian organizations, churches and Hollywood. Satan is not creative. Wherever they are found, his wolves operate with the same methods. Out of all those memories, came my book. Spiritual wolves who serve Satan are in positions of leadership in Christian organizations and churches of all kinds around the world. They are also in business and governmental leadership. In particular, they are established in the United States because here there is freedom, ignorance, weakness, and spiritualized greed. Very often, the servant warrior for Jesus is called to confront them. In doing so, there is always high risk. Understanding forgiveness is essential for your own effectiveness and protection.
So what did Jesus really teach about forgiveness? There is a lot of misunderstanding about it. He taught two kinds and both work together. To misunderstand either is to misunderstand what forgiveness toward others means in the New Testament. The teaching of one kind to the exclusion of the other has been disastrous in the church. The first kind has been called “Vertical Forgiveness”, and it’s found in Mark 11:25-26 which says this: “And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.”
This kind of forgiveness is between you and God, that’s why it has been called “vertical”. In your opinion, someone has done something that damaged you. You hold something against that person. From your viewpoint, the individual has caused you palpable harm and loss. Notice that Jesus doesn’t say that your view of the situation is accurate. Maybe it is and maybe it isn’t, but that doesn’t matter.
The person who did these things to you may never ask to be forgiven. He or she may be dead. They may not believe that they have done anything wrong. Maybe the wrong done to you was intentional, as in the case of a spiritual wolf, or maybe it wasn’t, but you thought it was. It may have been done by people in a faceless institution. There are endless permutations. Whatever the case, in your mind with your view of the circumstances, you believe that you have a right to be angry and, if possible, to require justice of some sort. At the very least, you believe that you are owed a serious apology.
However, in obedience to Jesus’ command in Mark 11, you make a judicial decision. In humility and faith, you give up what you consider to be your right to require justice. In prayer you unconditionally release the offender into God’s Hands, forgiving him once and for all for the debt that he owes to you. You set him free. This is done in dependence on God’s Justice knowing that He is the only one who understands what really happened and why. You release the individual to God not with the angry hope that He will punish that person, but that God will work in his life to bring him to repentance so that he can receive eternal forgiveness and blessing. It acknowledges that you do not know the whole truth and if you are wrong in any way about what happened, you want God to do what is right.
This act of forgiveness acknowledges that all sins are really against God and He is the One who has the right to judge and punish the wicked. Based on the sacrifice of His Son, Jesus, who died to the pay the penalty for the sins of the world, God’s Justice has been satisfied, and He can forgive. This act of forgiveness on your part acknowledges one overwhelming fact. Whatever is owed to you, you owe much more than that to God. Whatever sins have been committed against you, you have sinned much more against Him. Whatever it costs you to forgive, it cost God infinitely more to forgive you. It cost the death of His Son. Since He has forgiven you for so much at such a price, you must forgive others. Vertical forgiveness is a judicial decision because it is done once. But after that, perhaps many times, you will need to remind yourself of that decision and leave that person with the Lord.
Jesus’ view of forgiveness is clearly taught in His parable found in Matthew 18:21-19:1. “Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made. The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, ‘Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’ Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt.
“But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii; and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, ‘Pay me what you owe!’ So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’ And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt. So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done. Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?’ And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him. So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses.”
Notice at the end Jesus doesn’t say anything about the trespassing brother coming to ask to be forgiven. In the Lord’s prayer there is nothing about it. When He was dying on the cross and forgave those who were killing Him, they hadn’t asked to be forgiven. Those who believe that you can’t forgive until someone asks to be forgiven are making a terrible mistake. What is the end result of vertical forgiveness? Where should it lead us? We pledge to God that we will deal with the one who has offended us in sacrificial love. That is a wonderful shield that protects us from attacks of the enemy.
The Apostle Paul described what our attitude should be in Romans 12:17-21: “Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. Therefore “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; If he is thirsty, give him a drink; For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”
Many people misunderstand what Paul meant when he said “give place to wrath”. They think it means that it’s all right to be full of anger toward an enemy. But that isn’t what it means at all. It means to give up your anger. Set your anger aside and give place to God’s wrath if He chooses to exercise it because all vengeance belongs to Him. In the meantime, insofar as it is possible, do nothing but good for your enemy.
When someone does something that hurts us it is normal to feel angry. God knows that we are going to get angry. That’s part of being human in a fallen world. If you don’t ever get angry about anything, something is wrong with you. There is a place for anger, but it must be strictly limited. The Apostle Paul writes in Ephesians 4:26-27: “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.”
After a brief period of being angry, set it aside. Don’t even hold it overnight. Are you ready to begin living this way? I hope so…and that is your challenge for all the days ahead.
Bible Study and Small Group Discussion Questions
- Why is forgiveness hardest when the wound comes from Christians, especially leaders?
Passage: Matthew 23:3–4, “They preach, but do not practice… They tie up heavy burdens… but are not willing to move them with their finger.”
Question: Coleman writes that forgiving Hollywood was easy compared to forgiving Christian leaders. Why does spiritual hypocrisy cut deeper than ordinary wrongdoing, and how does Jesus Himself acknowledge this dynamic? - What does it mean to forgive someone who never apologizes, never repents, or never even acknowledges the harm?
Passage: Mark 11:25–26, “Whenever you stand praying, forgive… that your Father in heaven may forgive you.”
Question: Vertical forgiveness happens in prayer, not in conversation. How does this chapter challenge the common belief that forgiveness requires the offender to repent first? - Why does Jesus frame forgiveness as a judicial act, a once‑for‑all decision, rather than an emotional process?
Passage: Matthew 18:21–35, the parable of the unforgiving servant.
Question: Coleman describes vertical forgiveness as “a judicial decision.” How does Jesus’ parable reinforce the idea that forgiveness is a verdict you render before God, even if your emotions take time to follow? - What does it mean to release someone into God’s hands without secretly hoping He punishes them?
Passage: Romans 12:19, “Beloved, never avenge yourselves… ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord.”
Question: The chapter emphasizes surrendering the right to justice. Why is this so difficult, and what does genuine trust in God’s justice look like in practice? - How do you forgive someone while still recognizing they are a wolf who must be confronted or avoided?
Passage: Acts 20:29–30, “Savage wolves will come in among you… speaking twisted things.”
Question: Coleman’s daughter confronted a wolf in leadership, and he describes wolves as Satan’s representatives. How can a believer forgive vertically while still exercising discernment, boundaries, and confrontation? - What does Paul mean when he says “give place to wrath”?
Passage: Romans 12:17–21, “Do not avenge yourselves, but give place to wrath…”
Question: Many assume this means “make room for your anger,” but the chapter explains the opposite. How does giving God the place for wrath free you from carrying it yourself? - What is the difference between feeling anger and holding anger?
Passage: Ephesians 4:26–27, “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger…”
Question: Coleman says anger is normal but must be strictly limited. What does it look like to feel anger without letting it harden into bitterness or giving the devil a foothold? - How does vertical forgiveness protect the servant warrior in spiritual warfare?
Passage: II Corinthians 2:10–11, “…so that we would not be outwitted by Satan; for we are not ignorant of his designs.”
Question: The chapter says forgiveness becomes a “shield” that protects you from the enemy. How does releasing someone to God close spiritual doors that bitterness would otherwise open? - Why is it dangerous to assume your perception of the offense is fully accurate?
Passage: Proverbs 21:2, “Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the heart.”
Question: Coleman notes that Jesus never says your view of the situation is correct. How does humility reshape the way we approach forgiveness? - What does it look like to reaffirm forgiveness after the initial decision?
Passage: Colossians 3:13, “Forgive each other… as the Lord has forgiven you.”
Question: Vertical forgiveness is done once, but remembered many times. What practices help you return to that decision when old emotions resurface? - Who is God asking you to release today, not because they deserve it, but because Jesus commands it?
Passage: Psalm 139:23–24, “Search me, O God… and lead me in the way everlasting.”
Question: What name comes to mind as you read this chapter? What would it look like to place that person fully into God’s hands?
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